DoaD #24 - Moving into the Unknown
This is episode 24 of DoaD.
Taking a step towards mastering the Jing essence of the three treasures, the different dantian or areas of cultivation. That's an interesting new journey.
Went to go view the house that I’m trying to move into, and realized it's actually very nice, and I don't want to pursue living in a warehouse or a garage, funnily enough, even though I still want to. So then I got caught in my little money worrier mindset of bugging out and being like, how the fuck am I gonna find 1.4k before the beginning of August? But instead of doing the thing that I completely forgot about until just now, where I plan to spend the day sketching some ideas for the Foucan festival. Yeah, that'll come.
I almost slipped into it again. I spent the whole time in the cafe, after going to this cafe in Surbiton to see if they had a job. Coz I was like shit I need to fucking make 1.4k right now. How the fuck am I gonna do that? Then coming up with the idea on the spot there at the place, because it had a yoga studio out back from the cafe. I was like, oh shit, I could. I can put on workshops. I can do movement workshops. And then then I was using the I Ching to work out what I should do for it. Then went down a rabbit hole with that, scribbling away manic in the corner. Two coffees down, scribbling on my little refill pad, it was still helpful to flesh out the idea that we'll circle back to at some point, but I was just very distracted and very impulsive and feeding into my 80HD ways. I completely forgot what I planned to do, but thats the life of this manic brain that is falling in love with Daoism because it's helped settle the stormy waters.
Then made it easier for myself, and messaged the landlord and said, Hey, any chance we could not pay that deposit straight away and send the money over from this one.
She said Sure, let me chat with my partner… Yeah, sure, why not?
Then, suddenly stress gone, because I simply asked. Now, it seems all chill. Then got sent an email about the potential do a movement performance at fuse box by the river. I ignored it throughout the day, because a part of me was fucking terrified for doing that, but shit I did this stuff as a kid. I loved the level it takes you to when you have to have the spotlight on you, and it's the honing of that skill, the level you have to take it to to almost level up your ability with those moves. But now it's in a state of practicing being carefree and understanding that it cannot be perfect, but maybe missing a move or not even having a plan in any way, and allowing myself to have fun with it and do some spontaneous dance and movement to music or surroundings. Nothing can really go wrong, because everything is simply another note in the song.
It's going to be a test of me putting into practice this new elemental way of moving, of water, and not so much like the fire of my spirit before. That spirit, that passion and that fire is still there. It's maintained, and it allows its expression and light to come out, but it's also balanced with water and fluid movements and air and connected with the earth and slowing it down and not trying to do so much in a rush.
Movement has taught me everything, even that there can trickle into my work, my own life. I'm trying to cram everything into a 15 minute performance because I'm desperate for everyone to see all that I can do. But allowing myself to be fully present and joyous in that moment that I get to be alive and share that moment with other people and move from the heart. That's what having no plan is going to help me do is just break down that wall that's normally up between the heart and mind. Connect to people's hearts through my fully emotional self being allowed to express itself in the way that my body angelically moves, because it comes naturally to me. That God being coming forth.
I'm sure tomorrow I'll wake up like, fuck. I don't want to do this. Let me find a way to get out. But my soul is expanding and growing, and this is the next spiritual death and rebirth that needs to take place for that new container for the soul.
I gotta give it that growth. I gotta nurture it and allow it to grow. This is what it takes. Its not easy, but it can be done with ease. That's the beautiful thing I'm releasing.
peace
