DoaD #13 - The Balance of Being
Hello, hello, this is Episode 13 of me talking into a microphone.
Today was all about the balance, the mental balance the physical, the yadda yadda, the balance. Weirdly the mathematics lines up. One Five, Knowledge Power / Refinement, manifests - equality, and balance. Equilibrium.
Weirdly, I made a little note, during my parkour coaching this morning with the kids in Avonmore. I was helping a lot of the kids with the benches [we flipped the old school benches on their underside, where the thin wooden beam is] we had them zigzagged, and they had to walk across it and jump when you get to the end. I slowly started to realize that I was helping the kids by saying;
“slow down, you’re trying to rush because you want to get to the end and you don’t want to fall off. You’ve got different checkpoints and you're trying to get there as quickly as possible. Then you start tipping over or falling, then you take a massive leap from the middle of a bench to get to another bench and it's completely off balance so the bench flips and BANG!, smack your head.”
That almost happened a couple of times with the kids, terrifying. Wrote a note [to remind myself].
[voice crack interlude]
It's hard to hold the balance if you're not moving slow. When you're going off balance, you'll find yourself speeding up trying to reach the next checkpoint. But just slow it down. Even at the end, keep it slow. All ….the ….way …to… the end.
It was fascinating watching all the kids have this realization. I’d get them to focus on one bench. Properly slowing it down and getting the feet straight, arms out, slowing it down, just focusing on that bench. I’d try not to talk too much. Not putting any mental distractions in their head, allowing them the silence and the space to lock in and work it out themselves. It helped so much.
It was beautiful to see. They’d be trying it for ages, going at it, and I wasn't able to properly focus on each person because it was a constant cycle of them trying to balance and I got caught up in making sure they jumped safely from each bench. Then when I got to properly focus on each kid I could say;
“okay, let's just do this one. We’ll do what you've done before but let's slowww it down. Then when you get to the bench, compose yourself, jump and then stick it.”
Then they're already thinking about and visualizing that stick, visualizing them balancing and getting to the end. Because [now they’ve slowed down] they know what's going to come up and they end up just doing what they've always done. It works perfectly. It was a beautiful day.
Yeah, this whole day has been a balance between feeling like I need my own time. Wandering around Surbiton doing my own little things. Then when a brother really really needs me, I'm there at the drop of a hat. I’m there. The weather has been crazy. Mother Earth is crying out at the moment and going through her episodes. We are at the mercy of that. Today it was one of those days. Sun then rain then hail then rain then sun, so confusing.
Some things line up a little bit too perfectly with the weather and different moments where me and Harj are chatting, or when I'm by myself or when Harj is by himself and these different emotions are reflected through the weather. So which way is it? Do we collectively send out these energies that make the weather shift? Or is it already always going to be in this pattern and our mental state is reflecting that and do we have no control over it?
Yeah, there was a beautiful moment when we were outside in the park protected under a tree from the rain. Just listening to the rain and watching it piss it down. I'm there simply listening to a Brother not trying to solve or help anything. Finding the balance in my nature, feeling like I need to solve, and completely letting go of that, simply listening and being there for him. Not trying to be nothing, not trying to help him out of anything. Simply allowing him to feel, regardless of how shit it is in me, feeling like I need to help people not feel that stuff because I want to protect them. NAH. In the same way that I need to feel my shit, and I am currently, you have to absorb and allow that energy to go through you in a way and then in a sense it doesn't go through you it. It's then allowed to pass. I don't know if it even does that but that makes sense to me.
Yeah, I'm making a little zine/book a little bit manically probably because I’m trying to distract the mind and keep things going for a brother. Haven’t done that in a while, [make a book] what do I mean haven't done that in a while? Haven't done that in like a week or two. Which is a while for a manic creative like me. It comes in waves, it comes in flows and it's coming back. I got the little station set up for bookmaking now. So we're gonna get the press rolling!
No idea what I'm talking about, that's the beauty of this I have no fucking clue what I’m saying. I'm letting whatever needs to come out, come out. Otherwise, I'm feeling like I have to pay 50 pounds for a dude to sit in a chair and reflect back to me exactly what I'm doing here. This is therapy for myself. Fuck if anyone listened to this, this is for me. This is Magic.
The balance. A beautiful day of balance. Walking slow. Allowing myself to enjoy these days of having time. Allowing whatever comes to pass to come to pass. Not trying to box anything up. Not trying to move anything along. Feeling the rotation of that lovely Yin Yang balance. Not trying to suppress the dark feminine, the yin, for the sake of only feeling the sun. The masculine and the constant goo goo goo. I need to slow down and feeeeel. I just need to feel because my whole life I’ve been an extremely sensitive person who hasn't been allowed to feel. But oh boi are we back bebe.
Beautiful day of balance
peace
